Heaven or Hell.

I am closer to hell than to heaven. I've done my reality checks and seems that is the current conclusion i could make. Maybe you are too.

You see. I'm pretty direct with myself. I'm my life's biggest critic. Except i don't respond that much to my self criticisms.

Narrated AbuHurayrah: The Apostle of Allah (peace_be_upon_him) said: When Allah created Paradise, He said to Gabriel: Go and look at it. He went and looked at it, then came and said: O my Lord! By Thy might, no one who hears of it will fail to enter it. He then surrounded it with disagreeable things, and said: Go and look at it, Gabriel. He went and looked at it, then came and said: O my Lord! By Thy might, I am afraid that no one will enter it. When Allah created Hell, He said: Go and look at it, Gabriel. He went and looked at it, then came and said: O my Lord! By Thy might, no one who hears of it will enter it. He then surrounded it with desirable things and said: Go and look at it, Gabriel. He went, looked at it, then came and said: O my Lord! By Thy might and power, I am afraid that no one will remain who does not enter it.

I posed this question to my naqib when i was in an usrah.

"Could we use the motivation of heaven in order to become more pious?"

He answered "Yes", because it's hard to just worship Allah without a motivation.

I recalculated the question at intervals of my life, year after year. And i soon realized, "yeah, there might be truth in that."

But is heaven what we are really aiming for? Looking back through the pages of al-Quran, there are verses which describe to us of the environment of the heaven, example in al-Waqiah (The event, the inevitable).

Round about them shall go youths never altering in age, With goblets and ewers and a cup of pure drink; They shall not be affected with headache thereby, nor shall they get exhausted, And fruits such as they choose, And the flesh of fowl such as they desire. And pure, beautiful ones, The like of the hidden pearls: A reward for what they used to do. (verses 17-24)

Well, heaven, as some say, is unimaginable. But through these verses, we could partially imagine or conjure up an image.

But i asked myself, "am i worshipping Allah for heaven?". It's like i'm expecting something in return for a good deed.

Actually, i keep trying to find a pure heart. A heart that sees the world as Allah's creation. In the food i eat. The molecules of oxygen which i breath. For the great people around me.

That pure sincerity is hard to find. You could find tales of the Prophet, waking up in the early hours of morning to pray. For someone who was guaranteed heaven, what else woke him up, but the purity of humbleness towards The Creator.

But it works the other way around too, i guess. I am sure there was a reason on the description of paradise in the Quran. I asked a friend and he made a simple analogy. It's like when we were small and how our parents used to give us tokens if we are able to fast half a day or a full day. Later on in our lives, we do realize the importance and benefits of fasting.

So, probably we can't find that sincerity early on but for the motivation of heaven. But slowly, maybe our hearts will change for the better and worship Allah not because of his promises of paradise, but because of the life and the blessings He has given to us.

In other words, because there is No God but God. That's why we are worshipping Him.

14 : 34 And He gave you of all that you asked for, and if you count the Blessings of Allah, never will you be able to count them.....