Yun-nammed

I opted for ginseng tea while they served me with a 20 minute video portraying the life of a woman who thought her hair loss was caused by the big C. Yun Nam interviewed her after the treatment and she recalled her dreadful situation, and started to cry in an attempt to inject sympathy in the heart of viewers.

I felt sympathetic. Not for the woman, but for the poor level of acting from her. She deserved a sympathy for her failure to try and lure me to believe that this treatment would work.

Utterly pathetic. Maybe she deserved some kind of an award.

Yes, i was there to treat my hair loss, which i thought was normal.

"It runs in the family."

The lady in front of me, who talked as fast as a bullet train asked, "Try to compare yourself with your classmates, do you still think it's normal?"

"Here's the thing. You know Ronaldinho and his teeth. He could have worn braces but he never did. Ribery? The French footballer? He has a scar along the side of his face, but with his money he could not only affort a plastic surgery, he could even afford to buy a new face for himself! The word here is C-O-N-T-E-N-T. Content. I spelled that for you. I'm here due to my ardent belief that paradise is beneath a mother's sole, and my mum asked me to come here. In other words, coming to this place is one of the tickets to get to paradise. I don't want to hurt her feelings although i've been a wacko of a son."

Which she could have probably replied, "But you're neither Ronaldinho or Ribery."

But as predicted, that was only my subconscious mind flowing. I faked a gleeful expression and answered, "Yes, compared to my friends i don't think it's normal to lose hair at 23."

I lied and she happily agreed.

She proceeded to ask me how often do i shampoo and i answered, "Everyday."

Then she scanned my hair. Last night i had slept over at my friend's apartment in Kota Damansara and since i woke up late, i didn't take my bath and went straight to Subang Parade for the appointment.

And so the scan showed an oily and dirty scalp. I was a bit embarrassed but deep inside i was laughing hysterically. ["My God! Whose hair is on that screen!?"]But really, i do shampoo everyday and she asked again just to confirm it. I suddenly thought of the days when i used to wear braces and remembered the times when i would intentionally eat and not brush my teeth before appointments. All those chicken or meat or fish would get stuck in between those metal plates and my teeth and the orthodontist would get a bit angry.

So, if one day, i get patients with weird habits, then i should not even mutter a complaint. That's karma chasing me back, following me every step of my life for my sins against the hair care specialist and orthodontist. Only God knows what kind of patients i might have in the future.

Note : Kids and adults, don't even try to follow the bad example i've given above.

She mentioned while motioning to the screen that my sebaceous glands were producing too much oil, some pores have closed, and my baby hair were dropping. Each pore was supposed to spring out 3-5 strands of hair, mine were only 2 for most of the pores. "Maybe it was due to tension or emotional stress."

I can't remember myself having emotional stress 3 years back when it started. If her statement has truth in it, then it might be due to the taunts i faced from Manchester United supporters for the past 3 years which i would deem 'quite stressful'. I wanted to explain to her Mendellian genetics; that it was all in the family from both sides of my parents but i forgot what it was all about. Excessive, recessive, dominant. Even if i could remember the theory, it would be a waste of time explaining.

In the end, she offered a home treatment since i could not make it to her saloon every week. It was quite expensive, too expensive for my liking and i told my mum it was not worth saving my hair for such amount of money. She said she's the one paying. For me to give suggestions on how to spend that money in a better way would be insulting.

Remember kids, 'syurga di bawah tapak kaki ibu.' Even if you're a punk (like me), you need to heed your momma's sayings. Even when you think it's not that beneficial for you.